January 6, 2012
LET ME BE NAKED
My first collection of love poems is about to be published. I like to say that they are actually spiritual feminist sensual poems. With this construction of work, I am putting myself in quite a precarious social position. You see the book also contains accompanying art nude photos of myself with a friend. It is compiled with one photo per poem. It is indispensably appropriate and authentic. I am also a part-time Life Model with a university. So, I would like to note: my exhibition does not constitute an open door for men to assume that I have any interest in a possible sexual encounter with them, or even the suggestion of such.
As I have gotten older I have found the American male to be boring in their approach to interacting with me. Even a few male professionals that I have worked with have attempted inexcusable and inappropriate sexual conversations during business meetings. The language does not shock me; I am a poet after all, but I have suffered brain freeze by the ludicrous idea that I would have any sexual or romantic interest in these men.
Perhaps I am a bit privileged
Many years ago when I was under the siege of inescapable depression, I had the most empowering experience. It was 1987 and I was at a camp the first night of seven days with about 40 former Eagle Scouts. I was there at the invitation of my first boyfriend twelve years prior. He is an Eagle Scout. It was a large encampment soon to be swarmed within two days by 200 families of former scouts. In the meantime, we had three saunas in one niche of the camp to ourselves in the mountains of West Virginia on a clear October eve. I was able to run from one sauna to the next in total freedom. Free of clothing, embarrassment, care, or harassment. At one point I stood with my arms raised warming my body beside a small bonfire encircled by a few men. I was safe. Some years later I had related this experience with another Eagle Scout and his response was “I’ll bet you never felt safer.” Absolutely true!
So I have certain expectations and I often do not feel that I should need to explain those expectations. Just because I am happy expressing myself in a more natural state, does not translate in any way sexually. Please allow me the freedom to relax and just be me.
“But you get naked in front of other people, surely that means you will do more?”
I have been an art model for a span of 22 years. Art models are highly respected within the art community. You do not communicate with an art model while they are in the studio unless it is to give direction, or it is in response to polite conversation, which the art model has initiated such as “Please let me know if I am not in the same position as before.” Electronic devises with visual capturing functions are generally frowned upon in the presence of an art model unless it has been cleared by the art model. There are strict rules for photography of an art model. It is never appropriate, except for an art instructor, to initiate conversation with an art model outside of the studio. An art model is generally thanked by all artists upon completion of the session. Art models are treated safely. Any hint of a sexual innuendo is usually dealt with swiftly within the art community.
“But you use sexuality in your art and public entertainment?”
The first collection of poetry is most definitely sensual. The second and third collections would not fall under the erotic genre. I wanted art along with the poetry. Black and white skin-scapes would be complementary. The poetry is about relationships, so this needed to have couple skin-scapes. Fortunately I have a close friend who had been a model and was agreeable to pose with me. This took a great deal of trust between each of us. I’m sure that it helped that he also happens to be a poet, artist and actor. I then had to sell the idea to my publisher about not only the proposed photos, but that there would be no alterations to those photos. My stretch marks would remain. We agreed that this would be remarkable for the book’s authenticity to its voice and ultimate vulnerability. A poet is someone who willingly sacrifices his innermost mind constructs to public scrutinization.
Humanity requires a shared sense of being.
Security is one of those top-of-the-pyramid survival necessities. Emotional security falls under that banner. We are barraged daily with unsettling inhumanities globally. Whether it is murder, theft, rape or neglect; it is a crime against each of us. We need to reconnect intimately with our more honorable humanity; otherwise we have truly reached Babylon. We can start by simply offering safety to others during our conversations.
“But you’re so free-spirited and open-minded, surely you don’t want a conventional romantic relationship?”
What I want from a relationship is heady. I’m absolutely positively sure that you have no sex secrets that you can dangle magically before my eyes that I have not already encountered on some level. What I want is someone to whom I can converse intimately with on politics, spirituality, science, literature, and all of the arts and most particularly on how peculiar my cat is currently behaving.
What I want is respect. Respect as a professional and as a friend, or as a potential friend. I have a roommate who respects me. He allows me to feel unconstrained if I want to go from my bedroom to the bathroom unclothed as a matter of convenience. He doesn’t pump up his ego and reason that I do this for his benefit. It makes the living situation relaxing. Perhaps it’s his age. He is at least twenty years my junior. Perhaps it’s his European upbringing. Perhaps it is just testament to his good and kind nature.
Now, if I, as a free-spirited female, who is not afraid of exhibition, am not welcome to unsolicited sexual advances, how do you think most other women feel about this behavior?
